Sunday, June 21, 2009

Doubts

There are times in your life I think you sit down and think what the heck you want to do for the rest of your life. It’s June and I’m in the same spot again. We’re a couple of months away from my dreaded month August -- coincidentally is also the Chinese’s month of the dead where everyone is advised to lay low as the spirits of the underworld are in this bacchanal-like trance and they make the lives of people in their path miserable. Two years ago, it was a botched dental procedure. Last year, it was my job. What something bad would this year bring? Hopefully nothing. Halfway to 2009, amid the minor setbacks I had, have been kind to me. I’m crossing my fingers.

I’m starting to doubt myself in the “big boys” book writing contest I joined. I haven’t received the complete feedback from the person I asked yet, but there were some points he raised which are valid but I think I can no longer accommodate. I think my creative juices have dried up for this one. I did a second round of work on my manuscript. I did the freaking best I could. It’s terrible to think but I know it might not be good enough. Am I giving up on my contest entry? Nope, not just yet. I did not expect to win in the first place. I just want to do my best to the point it hurts. It’s like I’m in a limbo. I could only hope the saying things gets fixed by itself given time is true.

2 comments:

collapsingbarrycade said...

August for me is dry month at work: no bonuses, the take home pay is almost always not enough to see you through 30 days. Now I know why.

bw said...

I didn't know that August is considered the month of the dead by the Chinese ;)

Second guessing oneself is I guess fact of life. I tend to second guess myself in everything I do :) But there are things that you are not and there is no sense pursuing anything around it. I know I will never be an artist since I can't even draw a fish hehe..