Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Doldrums

I don't know what to do with this blog anymore. 

I'm not in the mood to write as well because things aren't the way I want them to be. 

But like I'm told, the best time to organize your life is when you're in the doldrums. 

You're too busy having fun when it's sunny.

Friday, March 07, 2014

Limbo

And so the news I've been waiting for since November last year was a no go. I found out about it on the first week of February. Oh well. Move on.

I just can't afford to be an inggitera. Yun lang. It'll only make me feel bad.

Then again, the small biyaya we all had this end of Feb made it all better. Bahala na!

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Guarded Optimism

2012 for me was downright depressing. 

2013 in its first half was good then all the drama happened on the latter half.
If there's one good thing that came out of it, at least now, I live on my own.
I'm independent!
De-glamorized but independent.
One of these days I'll be writing everything I've learned so far.
I wish I did it earlier though.

For 2014, it seems like the stars are aligning (that's how I also felt in the first half of 2013) for me but I think/hope I know better.

Now I'm optimistic about things, but still guarded for I know that one wrong move and everything will be fucked up.

So I'm trying to be as careful about things and low profile.

It's not fun walking on eggshells.

The news that I've been waiting for since November last year is still... pending.

Patience, patience, all my friends and some trusted colleagues keep on telling me.

For my birthday this coming April, I already booked a flight to Laoag.
It'll be my first time to ride an airplane. And for 2014 I resolve to do a lot of firsts.

By Feb/March, I'm already readying myself to sign up for a school and get "certified."
IT/Tech careers here right now are difficult to land without those oh-so precious certifications from X and Y.
I need one to level up.
I'm investing on my development and this time I mean it. 

Yes, it sounds so different! I'm optimistic about things!
But I'm still crossing my fingers, hoping that nothing gets fucked up on my way there.

Friday, January 03, 2014

Compensation

"There’s one more thing I want you to remember. There are compensations in life. There always are, or we wouldn’t go on living. You don’t feel well, now; neither do I. But something will happen to fix that. Do you believe that?" -- A story of love by Ray Bradbury

**** My reply: I want to. I hope so.

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Ennui

I know it's the "holiday" season but I'm still waiting. And with that I'm in this state of ennui and, for some personal things I'd rather not blog about, I'm also a bit depressed. 

I was told that at least I'm over the 2-week reject period. Yes, I remember all the reject letters I received and it all came around 2 weeks. That gave me small comfort. But still. 

This is something I have no control whatsoever. And so I wait more and hope for the "good news." 

It sucks to be me right now but still Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! :)

Thursday, December 05, 2013

Waiting

I'm waiting for the result of something I did almost 3 weeks ago, specifically, I don't want to blog about it just yet.  But waiting sucks. Big time.

It makes you feel helpless, anxious and a whole lot of emotions I couldn't explain.

If it's a no go. I'll cry but at least I know I did my best but didn't make it. Time to make some other plans.

If it's a go, then great!

Now? I'm in a standstill and I'm thinking about it every freaking day. It's distracting. 

Over thinking about it and whole other things has been a bane to me lately.

I can't even follow it up because as per the advise of my friends it might do more harm than good. 

And so I wait. I wait effing more. I hate this feeling.

Books etc for 2013

(I'm just starting to read The Idiot by Fyodor Dostoyevsky so it's not counted. Last Russian lit I read by Dr. Shivago by Boris Pasternak and I liked it.)

I read this during the quarter of the year when my life felt like the TV series 2 Broke Girls Gays, redundant I know
In no particular order:

Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami
- a book about hand jobs, seriously
- Haruki minus the "Kafkaesque" queme
- this is the book that got him famous, not particularly sure why. I think his other stories are much better like Dance Dance Dance & South of the Border, West of the Sun

Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury
- I didn't get to finish this because I was too busy "sexualizing" Guy Montag as a fireman, I read the Wikipedia summary instead 
- yes, kinda accurate depiction of some of the technology present today

Kitchen by Banana Yoshimoto
- watered down Haruki Murakami
- the cross dressing mom, I wouldn't stop imagining her as Bebeng Gandanghari 
- the boy who mourned for his dead girlfriend, started wearing her dress and was liked by his female schoolmates because of it -- something I don't expect to happen here in the Philippines but then stranger things have happened

Down and Out in London and Paris by George Orwell
- I read this during the quarter of the year when my life felt like the TV series 2 Broke Girls Gays, redundant I know
- regardless, I'd still eat at restaurants, hotels -- rarely because I can't afford it at this time of my life. Now my definition of a home cooked meal is a meal from the office cafeteria. 

The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald
- I read this because I was curious of the movie. When the critics fired a cannon ball at the movie, I didn't pay to watch it. Wait, I still haven't seen it. I liked the book though. 

The Wheel of Time Book 1: The Eye of the World by Robert Jordan
- I should compare this to the A Song Of Fire & Ice by George RR Martin, but once you go George RR Martin, there's no coming back. I'm skipping the rest of the series. I want to read Dune and/or The Once & Future King instead. 

Other Voices, Other Rooms by Truman Capote
- I honestly didn't understand much what was happening so I just read the Wikipedia summary. 

The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka
- now I get the term "Kafkaesque"
- This is the breadwinner's nightmare

A Christmas Memory by Truman Capote
- finally a Truman story I understood. It's simple but elegantly written
- I want to make this a high school requirement reading every Christmas but then again being required might ruin it for the students

Friday, November 22, 2013

Chew

I want to do oh so many things to the point that I'm biting off more than I can chew. And in that regard, I'm passing on a lot of things (for the moment) as well because of financial limitations. It's frustrating. Maybe it's because I'm nearing 30, 29 exactly, next year and I haven't crossed a lot in my imaginary list of what I am and what to be after college.

Well at least now I live on my own (technically). It's not glamorous. De-glamorized but independent -- my mantra these past few months. Half the story, I already blogged about. Latter half I'll blog sooner or later.

Tuesday, November 05, 2013

Rhythm Management - Intro, Primer, What Have You

1. It's a story about Chain's and Andre's last semester in San Lorenzo College.

2. They are the Class of 2006, hence the tech & pop culture reference.
Most of its events happened between October 2005 to March 2006. 

3.  If you read all of the chapters I'll publish here, please help me write up a summary.

4. Chapters published here are in their rough/1st draft form.
I plan to have it professionally edited soon. Well someday.

5. Hope you'll enjoy reading it.

6. And yes, from 3rd POV, I changed the format of the chapters to Game-of-Thrones-like. :P

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Ready

I think I'm ready to write again.

Next week, I'm going to start re-working on the 2nd novel I finished way back in 2007-ish: Rhythm Management.

I know it needs re-work and I'm going to publish it here in my blog piece by piece every time I've rewritten a chapter.

And yes, there is going to be a major re-work with RM.

My new (hoping this will be for the longest time) work schedule allows me at least 2 hours to write per day.

Here goes nothing.